So i’m gonna share my thoughts, feelings, and what happened in March this year, a few minutes before we meet April.
2 weeks ago was the first time i watched The Hunger Games. I’ve read the book, of course, and Catching Fire as well. I was kinda scared that Gary Ross would ruin the movie version but well, i’m not fully satisfied with the result (because tbh i wanted the cave scene were longer and more detail like what Collins has captured all the precious moments between Peeta and Katniss in the book). I bought Mockingjay that day and i ended up being a new fan of Collins. In the other hands, in some chapters of Mockingjay i hate it when Katniss decided to pick Gale over Peeta. How the hell she could think like that?
What happened in this month, well, i can call it as the busiest and exhausting month if i compared it with the last Jan and February. My club had some projects in this month and i was the one who handle it, it went success though so yeah, i kept busy from week to week but i’m impressed with my work.
Feelings? Mixed. I don’t know what the hell is happen to me, what the hell was on my mind when i said to my friend that i’ve lost all my feelings for someone BUT now, right now i’m kinda like, “well, maybe me and him can start it all over, like nothing happened” just because we started to talk again after had a longgggg long long break with our mouth closed. I feel like i lied. Not only to my friend but also to myself, my heart as well. Maybe it’s not going to be weird if the last time i fell in love or had a fling with him was maybe 4 or 5 months ago but it was about a year ago! Long time enough, eh? But suddenly i remembered somebody ever said on twitter: “you may think that you had successfully move on from someone but the reality is, that feeling is just hiding somewhere inside your heart and could show up anytime, and sometimes it’s under your preparation”. Oh really?
Honestly i still mad at him when i remember the days he treated me like a stranger out of nowhere, and he perfectly showed it up in front of my friends. i was confused, i screwed up, it was hella one of the scariest moment of my life coz at that moment i kept thinking “i’m gonna lose him, i’m gonna lose him”. Because I used to share thoughts with him, as a crush with crush, as a friend with friend, as a best friend with best friend (well at least these were originally from my point of view), we shared everything, i felt like he understands me well, even he’s a weirdo, and sometimes he creates an awkward moment in the middle of our convos but i don’t care, i felt comfy talking with him. So if you guys were me what you guys gonna do when your closest boy friend leave you with no reason? Sometimes i think the reason was because he scared, he would scream if some people make an issue of me and him had a “backstage relationship” when the truth is just a flirtationship. But man, if i were you, i would screw it over. A friend that can make you happy and confident at the same time is hard to find nowadays, right? I promise myself ever since that i won’t lose my friend that easy. Tough days i had thru were when i saw him got closer with the other girl in front of my eyeballs. I was like, “..alright” and every word left unsaid.
But the good thing is, he’s now back as a friend, because everything’s cool now and i think i miss him.
Well, when my heart is ready to start over, my brain is ready to fight. Mid-term week will be started in 3 days and i’m-not-study-yet. So may the odds be ever in my favor and secretly i wish my heart a good luck.
(no i won’t say anything about David’s leaving for mission because i’m not ready yet to tell my thoughts, and heart still broken)
Recommended songs of the week:
Demi Lovato - Give Your Heart A Break
Goyte feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Use To Know
p.s i begged April to be fucking awesome. She hasn’t answered that wish but i know she will.
